Learning Life's Lessons

One Week Old -- Kyler's Due Date

2012-03-05T21:14:00.000-06:00

This cutie is already one week old -- what!?! And it's March 5th -- his offical due date! :)

Noone rocks us to sleep like Nana!

Waking up from his nap with his lovie from Chloe above him.

Finally something he is too big for -- Pam's basket! :)

Where did that week fly by too? :) Well actually I know. Our poor little Cupcake has jaundice that requires daily treatments, so we have spent each morning at the hospitals for testing and each afternoon and night either nursing or laying under our phototherapy blanket. Not this mama's ideal first week when snuggles weren't available whenever I or he wanted, but our jaundice levels are dropping, so we'll take healthy. Today was his first day that he didn't have to have the blanket and we loved it! He stretched out so wide during his afternoon nap and this evening, Kyler and I just had skin to skin time for a couple of hours. I kinda sorta 112% love this little man! I look at him and cry sometimes thinking of how much I prayed for him -- how much I longed to hold him -- how blessed I am to have such a precious baby! I cry sometimes when I remember how three years ago this wasn't the experience I had. Mr. Nicoda is so loved and so blessed to be heaven, but I am SOOO thankful to God that Kyler gets to be in my arms!

Praise be to God for His miracle in my life -- Kyler Jaan Hamidi!

Such a cutie!

He is already learning to pray... :)

Kyler Jaan -- Practically Perfect in Every Way!

2012-02-29T01:22:00.000-06:00

HE MADE IT!

SAFE!

HEALTHY!

ALIVE!

HANDSOME!

PERFECT!

7 lbs and 19 in. Born at 1:55 pm on 2/27/2012

I am kinda in love x512! I will type up his birth story later, but wanted to say how blessed we are for him to finally be here in my arms! He is loving to snuggle -- which I LOVE -- and is already nursing good! I'm pretty sore from tearing, but it is hardly noticeable pain when I am looking into those grey/brown eyes. :) He is so precious -- I can see some of Khalid, Nicoda, and me in him. He is so blessed to be loved by so many. Thanks soo soo soo much for all the prayers for his safe arrival -- God is good! The whole process has been very emotional with the nice combo of hormones, love, and missing Khalid and Nicoda -- but wouldn't trade it for anything.

Praise the Lord for answered prayers!

Praise the Lord for hearing a baby cry!

Praise the Lord for baby snuggles and holds!

Praise the Lord even for dirty diapers -- loving each part of being his mommy!

Valentine's Day

2012-02-15T00:07:00.000-06:00

I am sucker for all holidays really -- anything cutesy that comes with decorations and a shaped Reesee's and I'm in. :) Valentine's Day is no exception. I've never really thought it as just a day for signifant others though....I think since we are forced as kids to make one for everybody, I never grew out of that thought process. So even without hubs, I had a great Valentine's! I got a sweet card from both of my best friends and who can top hanging out with Miss Mae and K-Dawg. We read books, played dress-up (okay, they dressed up and I watched), and didn't nap. :) (K did fall asleep later -- but C kept up a steady stream of chatter and distractions til I gave up.) Even Kyler got in on the action and got some ADORABLE sunglasses! Then Kyler and I (he kinda follows me around) had big plans to go home and take a nap before supper with Heidi, but I remembered that I had bought a teddy bear for Nicoda. So off to visit Nicoda, we did. It has been really nice to be in town for these past holidays and be able to visit the cemetery. It helps me to solidify in my thinking that Nicoda is still loved, even though I love another little boy now too. I took a picture of his cute little bear, but Blogger hates me and keeps closing when I try to upload, so use your imagination! :) HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Miss Maeism's: (she is the cutest, smartest girl at her age ever!)
- Today after lunch she took a nice full swig from the bottle of RANCH -- wow!
- Instead of napping, she let me know as each minute ticked by 'it's 2-2-3. its 2-2-4. oh, stacia, its 2-2-5, now.' It didn't continue for every minute as the clock got taken out of view, but she was pretty excited about 3-3-3 when it rolled around. :) I finally let her out of her prison at that announcement.
- After speaking jibberish (aka Uncle X lanuage) I told her that we could only play if she spoke English. Shortly after that she took K's blanket and when asked to give it back she told me 'no, i don't want to.' then smiled brightly and said 'i said that in English' ha ha ha I think she had high hopes that the English would allow her to not listen. Love love love this girl and her ever growing logic!

Blog Game : Tagged

2012-02-10T14:04:00.000-06:00

So I was tagged by Jacqueline and Mandy, so bear through the questions section! :)

First Things First, The Rules:
You must post the rules.
Post eleven facts about yourself on the blog post.
Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you've tagged. Tag eleven people and link them on your post.
Let them know you've tagged them!

Eleven Facts About Me:
1. I am kinda of an aggressive driver without trying. I don't drive reckless, but do like to honk at people that are making obvious mistakes. I am also that super annoying person who blocks the lane that is ending, so that you have to merge sooner. Sorry -- just hate merging and then seeing all those cars pass me. (sigh)

2. I love music -- not all kinds though...mostly just Christian. 5th Sunday's were always my favorite at church since it just singing at night! :)

3. I talk to myself alot. In the car, the shower, whenever I am alone. I have talk aloud conversations that I might have, that I want to have, or that I have had -- just with the responces I should have used. ha!

4. I have an anxiety disorder that I keep pretty much under control. Unless you know me really well, I could probably hold a whole conversation with you without you even knowing I was freaking out inside.

5. I like herbs, vitamins, and remedies ALOT. I will probably try one of each of them first before I take medication -- and own a lot more of them than I ever use. ha!

6. I have traveled to 11 different countries (not counting Austria since I lived there) and loved all of them. But my top cities are Rome, Paris, and Vienna -- in that order. Totally recommend all three....

7. Enjoy history more than your average bear -- aced those classes in school and will be that person in the museum reading each fact. When I lived in Austria, KJ and I went to a museum at least every other month to feed my obsession. My history enjoyment probably really affects my #6 list of top cities.

8. Don't really like chocolate or cake very much -- but trade off by loving ice cream and pies even more.

9. I come from a C.R.A.Z.Y. family (if you are reading this and we are related -- well you should already know this). I am pretty sure that Jerry Springer could do a week special on my families 'special' fueds and quirks.

10. Majored in Social Work because I dreamed of helping as many people as possible -- but after Nicoda died, alot of that compassion and empathy died too. Still have the desire to help people, but it is more selective now...probably something I need to work on...

11. My dream job has always been to a housewife/stay at home mom. Can't imagine anything better than spending all my time taking care of and loving on my husband and babies.

Questions from Mandy:
1. Where is your favorite spot in your house? don't have a house/apt right now. but when I did always loved my bed -- place to sleep and read books and relax! :)

2. What is your current favorite song? 'How Great is Our God - World Edition' I get goosebumps hearing people from all over the globe praising God! Maybe its the missionary in me, but WOW!

3. What's your favorite game (card or board) to play? maybe Taboo (cause I am good at it) or Settlers of Catan (even though I never win, it is just a challenge each time)

4. If you could have lived during any time period, which one would it have been and why? You can't pick anytime after the year you were born.   Maybe even just 50 years ago -- my grandma went to college, got to wear pants, and still was able to stay home without people expecting anything different from her.   But oh...to live when there was actually castles and ladies in waiting (romantic sigh)...except I probably would have been a chambermaid, not as fun. :)

5. What was your favorite science class you ever took and why (think all the way back to elementary school even)?   not sure I ever had a favorite one...I know it is ever so practical, but never really liked it. General Science B at York wasn't bad, but that is because I was in it with alot of friends. :)

6. If you could be an expert in any fighting technique, what would it be (kali,karate, etc)? jiu-jitsu (cause I like the name -- not from any actual knowledge of any of them).

7. What are three things you do everyday (not things you must do like eat or go to the bathroom)? listen to K-Love; check my e-mail/FB, dream/plan ( for tomorrow, next month, next year)

8. If you could eradicate one animal on Earth, what would it be? MOSQUITOS!!! UCK!

9. Which way do you prefer to read: actual books, audio books, or Kindle/Nook/etc? Why?   I love to read and I usually read actual books. I think I like picking up something and touching it -- and being on my computer too long gives me a headache, so not sure me and a Kindle would be great friends....

10. What is one of the hardest things you've ever had to do, and though you're glad you did it (and got the results you wanted), you probably wouldn't want to do it again if you had the choice?   Hmmm.....most of the hardest things I have ever done, I wasn't ever glad about it after. :)   I guess transfering colleges -- it is really hard to start in the middle and you don't get as good of scholarships....

11. What are three things that stress you out? (General or specific)  stopping at multiple red lights; M.O.N.E.Y.; and my family x230!

Questions from Jac:
1. Tea or coffee? Which and why? Iced or hot?   Mmmm...iced tea, only slighty sweetened

2. What is your favorite age of children? {This isn't implying you don't like other ages, but what is the stage/age that you just relish and delight in}? Why?   LOVE 3-4 years old. they are really starting to get into learning cause and effect; they say the cutest things!; have amazing black and white logic; so much energy -- yet still take a nap :)

3.Do you prefer to text or to call? totally call, but I have adapted and can text conversations as well. :)

4.What do you consider your greatest personality trait? Can a smile be a personality trait? I like to smile at people to make their day better and to show that I am open.

5.What's your favorite snack for TV watching? only one!?! well I try to make it fruit!, but if there is anything for me to dip a chip into, it turns into my favorite. :)

6. Would you rather read the book or watch the movie?   Guess read the book, then I can imagine all the places and characters like I want. But if I am going do both, I'd rather watch the movie first then read -- that way I don't spend the whole movie thinking what they did wrong. :)

7. If you could describe your college experience in one word, what would it be?  (ONE WORD! No pressure there...) Relationships!

8. When it comes to Valentine's Day, would you classify yourself as one with high expectations, or more it's-just-another-day beliefs? Explain.   I like to celebrate every holiday -- even little ones like Valentine's -- so I think I am in the middle. Like to do something special, even its just wear red. And it would be hard for me to think it was just another day since Resee's has gone above and beyond and made the Resee's heart to celebrate. hee hee

9. If you could eliminate one part of your daily routine, and not completely rock your world, you would stop doing what? I would stop bathing (like washing hair, etc, not the actually bath because I love those) and it wouldn't rock my world much -- but it might affect others worlds, so I'll keep doing it. :)

10. If you could go back and tell your High School self one thing, what would it be? That Jesus died for everyone -- including those people you can't stand or think you are better than. I look back and see fields that were so ripe and I wasn't there spiritually to share Jesus.

11. What is your favorite month of the year, and why? July! I love summer -- warm weather, outside all the time, usmmer camps, swimming, baseball....   :)

People I Am Tagging:
Corren
Sammie J
Sasha
Kara Deal
Sarah Erwin
Sharlene
Beth
Kim Smith
Emily
(I don't know enough blogger people that haven't already been tagged!)

My Questions for Them:
1. Do you have a verse that has helped you through many situations? What is it?
2. Can you remember a childhood experience that you know shaped you?
3. When was the last time you cried?
4. If you went back to high school as the person you are today, would you be friends with yourself?
5. What is your dream vacation spot?
6. What is your favorite cereal?
7. Do you know how your parents picked out your name? Meaning...?
8. If you could change one thing about yesterday, what would it be? (something you did or didn't do -- not weather, etc.)
9. Do you have a favorite color?
10. Do you remember you dreams? Are they usually good or bad?
11. How often do you get a new purse? (i didn't tag any boys, so its okay to ask. ha!)

Maternity Pictures

2012-02-02T19:23:00.000-06:00

All pictures courtsey of the beautiful Jacqueline Sikes!

(didn't she do a GREAT job!?!)

My sister's friend took so more as well -- but haven't gotten those ones yet!

Lots more belly pictures for Kyler to see then I ever took with Nicoda -- sorry Nicoda. :)

Names for Everyone!

2012-02-02T18:36:00.000-06:00

In September I got a new car -- and it got named this month. Let me introduce you to Taj. :)

And Cupcake got his 'grow with me' elephant for Christmas. Let me introduce you to Andi. :)

I am not sure why I have struggled so much coming up with a name for Cupcake -- didn't imagine I'd change my mind so many times, but it is what it is. :) Our little man finally has a name! From Gavin, to Tyler, to Micah...and now....

KYLER JAAN HAMIDI

Kyler: bowmen/warrior; or place of deep thinking about God (a church)

Jaan: Life (in Persian) pronounced Jon/John

Words have meaning and names have power. ~Author Unknown

What's in a name? That which we call a rose;

By any other name would smell as sweet.

~William Shakespeare

Still Counting Down....34 Weeks

2012-01-31T14:18:00.001-06:00

Well -- so far so good! :)

I won't lie though. I am pregnant hypocondric. My doctor's group is great at making me feel better and taking all of my calls and extra visits -- but I am sure they will be celebrating Cupcake's birth for a whole different reason than me. Ha! I am that lady who goes to each appt with a list of questions and I am also that lady who has already gone to Labor and Delivery twice since 32 weeks....since I am paranoid. But Cupcake seems to be doing S.U.P.E.R!

At work I still get people who say, "Oh, are you pregnant?" after I mention Cupcake or something. I never know what to say to that -- "No, I am just really fat in ONE spot" or "No, just had a big lunch today" I mean maybe you can be cautious around someone who is 4-6 months -- but by 8 months it is defintely a baby in there. Ha! :)

We are getting more and more ready to meet our little man... Cloth diapers in size small mostly bought, baby hammock brought, car seat arranged, hospital bags packed, now we just have to count the days!!!

I

P.S. These pictures are from last week -- we are at 35 weeks now. :) I'm slow.

January 21st, 1983

2012-01-21T01:11:00.002-06:00

Interesting facts about 1/21/83:

Number One Song (that week) -- Land Down Under (I do like Kangaroo Jack)

(1983 also brought Beat It by Michael Jackson, Maneater,

and the ever popular love song, Every Breath You Take)

Tidbits: Swatch starts making watches; Challenger is launched; Internet is created;

first mobile phone for sell (Motorola), Cabbage Patch dolls come out

Prices: Unleaded Gas - $1.24/gallon; Milk - $2.24/gallon;

Eggs - $.88/dozen; Stamp - $.20

Famous People with Birthday: King Charles V (of England) :); 'Stonewall' Jackson;

Christian Dior (fashion); Geena Davis (actress),

and Stacia Jeanine Hamidi

Great day, huh?

Happy Brithday to me!

Praying that my 29th year brings me a live baby, a place to live, and my hubby back!

Some Black and Whites of Cupcake :)

2012-01-16T16:26:00.000-06:00

hand in his mouth!

I just love how you can see how big his cute little cheeks are!

The sonogramists have been so wonderful to give me so many fotos of the little man!

I am withholding the images that show that he is DEFINITELY a boy for his privacy -- hee hee! :)

Rainbow Baby Poem

2012-01-15T19:49:00.001-06:00

Found this beautiful poem on one of my babycenter groups. Loved it!

A Different Child

A different child,

People notice

There's a special glow around you

You grow

Surrounded by love,

Never doubting you are wanted;

Only look at the pride and joy

In your mother and father's eyes,

And if sometimes

Between the smiles

There's a trace of tears,

One day you'll understand

You'll understand

There was once another child

A different child

Who was also in their hopes and dreams

That child will never outgrow the baby clothes,

That child will never keep them up at night,

In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all.

Except sometimes, in a silent moment,

When mother and father miss them so much

That different child.

May hope and love wrap your warmly

And may you learn the lesson forever.

How infinitely precious and fragile

Is this life on earth.

And how much more loved you are

Because your parents also loved

A different child.

3 Years from Nicoda

2012-01-06T11:43:00.000-06:00

Three years -- it sounds like a LONG time, yet I still remember how Nicoda felt kicking in my belly, how he he favored my right side (we know now he was stuck there - poor guy), remember the devesation of not hearing his heartbeat that last sonogram, the horror of leaving the cemetary, and the hopelessness of that first year.

But three years is long enough for me to see how far God has brought me since then. I miss Nicoda everyday. I wonder what new phrases he'd be learning and if he'd like sports yet. I like to imagine him making cute little friends and learning all about Jesus. Yet the truth is so much more beautiful...he doesn't need to learn about Jesus - he is with Him. He doesn't need to make friends or learn words because he is surrounded by a multiply of witnesses and was born singing praises to our Lord. How beautiful! Does that make me wish just a little less for 1 more hour or day....no, but it buoys my heart to know how blessed he is; how blessed he has made me; and how his little life has blessed others.

This year his birthday is more bitter for me than the last two, I think because the first year I was still mired deep in my grief and the second year I was with my hubby. This year Khalid is still having his early life crisis and I have the double grief of missing them both. I spend alot of time wondering, hoping, praying that Cupcake will know (even only though words and pictures) his brother. It is SO important for me to pass that down to him -- for him to know of Nicoda and to feel some connection there.

Mr. Nicoda -- You are so loved. You have been since the moment I found out I was carrying you. And no amount of time or distance has or will change that. Can't wait til that day when I get to see you again! -- Love, Mommy

Birthday of the Hubs

2012-01-01T10:09:00.000-06:00

Well today is the birthday of my hubby -- wish it was a happy one, but it isn't for me. I haven't heard from him in over a month and try to balance my worry over with him with the anger that he could just give up on Cupcake and I. :( I know that he needs medicine to really be "Khalid", but the rejection and the loneliness still hurt.

God -- Please watch over my husband. I take comfort in knowing that You know where he is and how he is doing. Thank you for how much you love him and all of us. Continue to grow and protect our little baby! -- Amen

2011 (last year's birthday)

I love you, Khalid Jon. Hope you see this and know that you are missed and needed!

Santa Came Early!

2011-12-07T22:32:00.000-06:00

Santa came early and he brought just what I asked for....

gDiapers! :)

Aren't they just so small and cute! Cupcake's little bottom will be covered in style. :)

And one photo of how big ~~I am~~ Cupcake is getting! :)

The Joy and Stress of Life

2011-12-02T15:33:00.000-06:00

Life is hard. My life has been hard and then harder for quite awhile now. I keep thinking it'll let up soon -- maybe next month, maybe next year -- but really it could be heaven. My friend Heidi's husband doesn't really like songs that talk about wanting to go to heaven because he feels that we should be living in the present...I totally see his point, especially from a ministry stand point...but somedays all I can be joyful about is knowing heaven is my future.

Blessings:

Cupcake is a wiggler! This does SOO much for my peace of mind to feel him move all around.
my amazing, wonderful best friends Jacqueline and Heidi -- they let me vent, laugh, and cry!
people who love me and pray for me constantly....too many to name and how beautiful is that
a free place to stay right now and my new part-time job
a blessing of a mother who is helping me right now with my bills as they arise

Stresses:

Khalid -- he still isn't on medication; isn't being there for me or Cupcake; causing lots of pain and just the unknowing of what is next for us -- for our marriage if he nevers chooses to be there.
Worry -- I know we aren't supposed to worry, but I am still human right? I worry everyday for this baby. I cry before every dr appointment stressed that it'll be the appt they don't find his heartbeat. I worry that if he does make it, that I won't be enough for him - emotionally and finanically. I worry that it will just be too hard to be a single parent (if that is what God is planning)
Housing -- still praying for an apt I can afford because I'll need to move before Cupcake comes

As I write them all down my blessings seem so many and yet they don't dominate my thoughts. :( Please continue to pray for our Mr. Cupcake -- that he does arrive safe and healthy. That God would break Khalid and change his heart. Prayers for my future and that I somehow start to trust God more and more with the uncertainitys of it. Thank you!

Halloween Fun

2011-11-02T11:55:00.000-05:00

I am big fan of holidays for the sheer fun of them all -- and Halloween topping the cutest day of the year chart with all the kids dressed up! I saw a baby dressed as a ketchup packet, a Kung Fu Panda, lots of cute princesses and bugs! And more Mario/Lugi's than I have seen since the 80's - ha! I got to go to the pumpkin patch with Chloe, Kaleah, and Jacqueline. Made 'ghost' cookies with both Chloe and Zack. Trunk or treated with Lynda and Sikes. Took Mr. Nicoda a couple of pumpkins. Visited a nursing home with the cutest bumble bee and ladybug! And passed out candy with the cutest pumpkin/skeleton Phil. :)

Bunnies!

Oh, you want me to look at the camera....how about right instead? :)

More hiding from the camera...

Chloe found corn in the pumpkin patch field -- it was free!

Kaleah -- I like to think that she is glaring at Jacqueline and thinking, 'really, Mom? it's 70 outside!'

Lynda -- just a little excited with all the kids and the chance for candy!

Sikes cheering on their bouncing ladybug!

Ok, so she wasn't really bouncing -- but she sat and giggled a lot. :)

Lynda had the hang of the bouncy house though.

My favorite costume of the day...

Ghost car -- and the owners were dressed a Ghost Busters -- super cute!

Mr. Phil -- the classic stare and smile...right after the flash. Ha!

Nicoda's flowers and pumpkins!

22 Weeks

2011-11-02T11:15:00.000-05:00

Well -- more than half done and I'm ready! :) Okay, so not ready persay as having everything ready, but ready in that my body just doesn't appreciate being pregnant. Mr. Cupcake will help me forget all my pregnancy woes after he comes, I'm sure, but right now I have A.W.F.U.L. back aches and side pain. But worse than my physical discomfort, was how emotional I got when I hit 20 weeks. 20 weeks is the crossover from a miscarriage to a stillbirth determination -- and a stillborn is buried. I know that the actual weeks changing don't really change anything, but just the thought of Cupcake having to be buried is suffocating. Not very positive thinking either... But Praise God because He knows what we are thinking and going through and sends people to minster to use in that spot. I go to a prenatal prayer group and last week one of the prayer partners told me something that really altered my thinking and stress. She reminded me how much God loves this baby. God is letting me take care of this child, but ultimately the child is still His. She went on to talk about how all of our life experiences shape the cross we carry and mentioned that Nicoda dying and my pregnancy stress are part of my cross. But the blessing is that our crosses mold us and better us. I can't explain why it made me feel so much better, but am SO thankful that it did. Nicoda dying, this pregnancy stress, none of it is too big for God to handle. God can take my sorrow and turn it into joy -- He can bring new life and is bringing it right now.

So sorry that you had to read all of that just to get to this one picture! Ha! I pray that God is blessing you today -- that you know that all the things in your life (good and bad) are shaping your testimony, your story of how God is using you. Alles Gute! Blessings!

Yeah for cropping, so that not everyone can see that
I have a baby bump in front and behind! Ha! :)

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Memorial Day

2011-10-15T23:56:00.000-05:00

Wow -- that's a long title. :)

This was my third time to get to participate in a memorial activity for babies that have died. I still remember and loved the balloon release the 1st year after Nicoda died. Last year in Austria, Khalid and I celebrated by lighting a whole row of candles for lost babies at a local catherdral. This year I went to a candlelighting on the Plaza, besides lighting my own candles at home. I wish that I didn't know so many names of babies that are in heaven, but at the same time love the lyric from an infant loss song that says 'heaven is all you'll ever know'. How amazing is that for those little souls.

At the candlelighting ceremony, I cried naturally and I got teary for a different reason than just missing my babies as well. I saw a family of 5 walking up and all of the family was wearing matching t-shirts. The parents said 'Mommy/Daddy to an Angel' and the 3 boys had 'Big Brother to an Angel'. It was SO precious and it made me sad that Cupcake won't really know our Mr. Nicoda like those boys got to know their sister. I have a stuffed animal, a baby book, and we'll talk about Nicoda with him, but he won't have his own memories... :(

The bag from the candlelighting with Nicoda's 'funeral flowers' candle

At the fountain

So many names!

Listening a beautiful song by Watermark

Candles lit for Maggie, Gracie, Thomas, Opal, Levi, Faith, and SO MANY MORE!

Cupcake's Photos and 4 Months

2011-10-09T17:42:00.000-05:00

Cupcake...Pink or Blue?

2011-10-07T22:41:00.001-05:00

The votes are in and the jury has decided -- BLUE!!!
Thank God for such a wonderful report on Cupcake's health today! :)

I was honestly shocked at how emotional I was during the sonogram and finding out the gender. The sonogram wasn't anything like with Nicoda -- different people attending, different size baby -- but the dr kept talking about how healthy and normal Cupcake looks and I could barely hold back the tears. That reassurance that everything was fine was what I banked on with Nicoda and it does nothing to hold back my fears for Cupcake. Nicoda was healthy and normal -- said the drs from sono to autospy. Ugh! I hated that both joy and fear were battling in my head when there should be no battle at all.. Although I won't lie -- I cried after Nicoda's sonogram too just from awe at him. :) Then I got to talk with Khalid and I opened the final picture that shows Cupcake and the phrase "It's a BOY!" and I lost it for a minute and it shocked me. I truly wanted just a healthy baby, but mentally was leaning towards boy. And now I have written this next sentence like 10x, but nothing I type makes sense or is truly what I was feeling at that moment. It wasn't deja vu, but just the fear that it could turn into it... So in all the hub-bub of falling in love with my healthy baby boy, of the excitment of picking out names, and the natural progression to start thinking of what sport he might play - I need prayers. Prayers that I can learn more and more how to truly give this baby over to God -- his birth, his life, and my worries and fears for him.

A mother's joy begins when new life is stirring inside... when a tiny heartbeat is heard for the very first time, and a playful kick reminds her that she is never alone.

The Gift of Life

2011-08-29T12:17:00.000-05:00

Today I am struck with ho w thegift of life is such a blessing! Three years ago now, I was pregnant with Mr. Nicoda and on the top of the world -- not fully realizing what a blessing I was carrying inside of me. Then when Nicoda died, I felt so alone and didn't know anyone (close to me) that had experienced such a loss. But now I can look back and forward and see so many people who have been given the joy and trial of loving a child that goes to heaven too early. Being pregnant right now makes me ache alot of Nicoda -- but it reminds that God can make all things new. So I praise Him for His wonderful plan...I praise him for Nicoda, Malekah and Brenden, Gracie, Holden, Maggie, Faith, Chase, Levi, Opal, Thomas -- babies I know are in heaven living it up. And I praise him for Chloe, Kaleah, Jeremiah, Lily, Piper, Olivia, Nora, Aiden, Cora, Logan and SOOO many more babies that we get to enjoy here on Earth. Praise God for the gift of life!

Cupcake at 11 Weeks!

2011-08-19T13:31:00.000-05:00

We got a good report at the sono appointment...growing steadily and no concerns yet! Cupcake was just kicked back and relaxing during the ultrasound -- legs up and feet crossed -- so cute! Would love prayers that this continues and (that minus the morning sickness) I have a nice, boring 40 week pregnancy. :)

Anniversary Trip to Croatia

2011-06-14T06:39:00.001-05:00

This year to celebrate our anniversay (#3) we drove to Croatia -- a small country in South European, near Italy. It was B.E.A.utifil! :) I might be slighty biased because I had such a great time with my handsome husband and also because I LOVED being by the water. I grew up in a landlocked state, live now in landlocked country and pretty much didn't think much about the ocean -- but it drew me in this time. So peaceful to watch the waves crash on the rocks and to look out and see only water for miles....ahhh! :-)

On our drive down to Croatia, we stopped in Postjana, Sloveina to see a castle. This castle was probably the coolest thing we saw on our whole trip. It was built into caves that were already there and then generations later, they built a castle onto/in front of the caves. The caves that serve as walls for the back of the castle actually go 8 km deep and come up at the nearby town. Incredible! They had a weapons room, ancient kitchen, dungeon (which i hated!) with an actual rack for pulling people (again ugh!), itty bitty beds that would be luxury at the time, and so many other cool features.

The castle -- the cave at the top was the orignal shelter

An opening where they would dump hot oil on intruders...ouch!

Old cannonballs!

Khalid says the sword probably weighed like 20 kilos (45 lbs)!!!

Stairs to different floors

What good is a castle if you can't pray!?! :)

Small hold -- tour guide didn't know what for

Our hotel was in Opatija, Croatia and is mostly a tourist town because of its year-round temperate climate. All our meals were included (which was nice!) and drinks as well -- except for water. Weird, huh? You could have unlimited wine, soda, and beer, but a water cost $3.80. We were just two blocks away from the shore of the Adriatic Sea. We took a walking tour of the town at night and treated ourselves to some ice cream as well. :-) (I know you're thinking, Stacia and ice cream!?! - ha!) There was a tree park there that had over 500 different trees from all around the world -- we were walking by and Khalid stopped and said that he remembered that tree from Pakistan. I laughed, not believing him, but sure enough we found a sign saying that tree was from Pakistan. Impressive memory for someone that has trouble remembering what we had a for dinner last week.

Our hotel -- the Hotel Opatija (original name, huh?)

The gardens

Taking a look-see around

Our ice cream! :)

One day we took a day trip to Pula, Croatia (which is a southern tip of Croatia and about two hours by boat from Venice). They have an ampitheatre/colosseum just like in Rome....and I mean just like in Rome (minus the floor panels). It was very impressive and is in much better condition than the one in Rome (albit smaller). We went to the 'beach' there as well, but I guess it is called the coast because it was only rocks and no sand -- beautiful no matter what the name.

Beach by our hotel

Mr. Giraffe liked the water too (water is so crystal clear behind him!)

Roman Ampitheatre

Cheese!

Enjoying the gorgeous blue, green water

We spent some time worshipping God for His creation! I just kept thinking (and singing) How Great Is Our God!!!

Another noteworthy side trip was to Hum, Croatia -- the smallest town in the WHOLE WORLD! I think must be pretty cool to have that title. The orginal town walls are still standing from the 13th century and 17 people live inside them. It was pretty far off the beaten path and up a few narrow mountain roads which only made it all the more impressive. :-)

We also went to a town named Rijeka nearby -- but it wasn't as impressive = not so many photos. The wonderful thing about that town was that they had a MEXICAN RESTURANT!!! And it was the best Mexican that I have ever had in Europe -- yeah! :-) All in all we had a B.L.A.S.T. It was fun to get away, to spend some quality time together, and to learn about another country. Thanks God for the blessing of the trip and for our three years together!

The Other Side of Mother's Day

2011-05-08T08:18:00.000-05:00

"Mother's Day is rapidly approaching, and mothers everywhere have either made plans to be with their families or they are eagerly anticipating the surprises their families have planned for them. There is another side to Mother's Day, however, a darker side. A non-celebratory side. Not every mother has a baby. It may not seem to make sense, on the outside, but it's sad and true. Thousands of baby-loss mothers will mark Mother's Day somehow. Some may celebrate with their mothers or other loved ones. Some may have other children. Others may just keep their heads down and hope to get through it. But make no mistake: Every one of them will be thinking of the baby they lost, amidst all the celebrations of the day. " (excerpt from St. Louis Examiner)

We all know precious women who have lost their children to miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death -- this Mother's Day take a minute from all the celebrating and say a prayer for that woman -- for the ache in her heart that won't go away this side of heaven!

Thinking of and praying for so many precious mommies and their babies in heaven!

'To remember is painful,
To forget is to impossible.'
- Maureen Connelly

'Loved with a love beyond telling,
missed with a grief beyond tears.'
- Unknown

My Favorite Forklift Driver! :-)

2011-04-27T07:22:00.000-05:00

Khalid has been searching for months for a fulltime job and finally found one! He is working outside of Vienna driving for a forklift for an oil/construction company. Yea! After working part time for months, ~~he is~~ we are so excited for more hours and more money. :) Thanks God!

He is SO cute in his hat and safety glasses!

Easter

2011-04-27T07:07:00.000-05:00

Easter -- what a wonderful time of year! Not only is it springtime, but people all over the world are celebrating the resurrection of our Lord! He is Risen! Khalid and I had a great Easter....we went to a Good Friday service at our church which was very moving and humbling. It also made Easter Sunday that much more joyous because of the forgivness we have due to our Savior's death and resurrections. YEA! Praise God! :-)

It was also my first day of sugar in 40+ days....wish I could say that it was wonderful, but I seem to have a problem with two words called self-control. I made muffins for breakfast and that was good. Then after church we went and got Tichy (aka heavenly ice cream) which was even better. THEN for dinner I decided to forgo actual food and had Dr. Pepper and Reesee's which was the beginning of a horrible belly ache. :-) At least they tasted good when I was eating them even if my stomach had forgotten how to digest sugar....

(writing this on Wednesday and had a donut for breakfast - first sugar again since Sunday - stomach seems okay with that although I haven't tried a soda again yet....nervous. ha!)

With my Tichy Eis

Before our Good Friday service

Blessings

2011-04-23T09:24:00.001-05:00

Two years ago on Easter I was still deep in my grief for Nicoda, yet I will never forget what my friend Heidi told me. She actually left her service to call me and tell how convicted she felt about Jesus' resucrection and the hope that I can have of seeing Nicoda again. I never forgot her words or the meaning. I love the thought that my precious babies are waiting in heaven for Khalid and I to come -- all because Jesus gave up his life in order to make us perfect in God's eyes! Praise God! He is Risen!

Hope Mommies

2011-04-14T12:54:00.000-05:00

*** a side note to begin ***
When I left for my retreat a couple of weeks ago, I literally thought finally I can start relationships without the cloud of grief around me. I always answer peoples question about it if I have children with yes and tell them briefly about Nicoda, but I wanted this weekend to be about something new. BUT at the retreat I met woman after woman who had lost kids through miscarriage and stillbirth. Then when I arrived home, I had an email from a dear friend connecting me to another amazing woman and a website called Hope Mommies. which led me to so many more stories and women. I say all of that to say God isn't through with Mr. Nicoda's story in my life and others. God isn't ready for me to forget all that grief because He knows now it is the time to pay it forward. God is so good!

Hope Mommies is a website/forum for moms who have lost children to miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death. When I first lost Nicoda (and by that I mean the first year!) I would scour the web for these websites and read story after story. So many of the stories that I read made me more angry that I lost Nicoda because the women saw no sense in the death -- they didn't have Jesus. Hope Mommies is a place where women who are searching like I was can read others stories like they so want to and see HOPE in them instead of just sorrow and bitterness. I LOVE IT! What an amazing blessing and tool this website is going to be! Praise God for His Mighty Way in working through people to meet needs!

Grief and Loss -- Looking Back

2011-04-14T12:46:00.000-05:00

Last weekend I was BLESSED beyond measure to attend the women's retreat sponsered by my church, International Chapel of Vienna. And I won't mince words it was the best weekend of my life since losing Nicoda. I learned so much, met so many wonderful women, was met by God exactly when I needed it, and was ANXIETY FREE!

At the retreat I met several women who have lost children through miscarriage and one who gave her testimony of losing her son at 31 weeks (just like our boy). Hearing all of their different stories was so eye opening for me. The amazing woman who lost her Christoper at 31 weeks knew since week 10 that he was going to die. He wasn't developing or forming correctly, but they knew that God had given him life and they would going to carry him until God took him. She talked about verses that gave her hope during that time and how she was grieveing, but that everyday she saw how Christopher was touching lives and allowing them to minister to others. I sat there weeping for her pain and literally in shock about how she and family viewed his life and death as such a God thing so early on. Her story was so night and day from how I felt when I lost Nicoda. I also met another woman who had just recently lost her child at 10 weeks. They had been doing in vitro for FIVE years and were finally blessed with a child only to lose him/her. M (the woman) told me that she couldn't believe how hungry for the Word losing her child has made her. She downloads and listens to 5 or 6 sermons a day and has an unquenchable thirst for soaking up everything spiritual. I again listened in disbelief in how her grief story is going to be so different from mine. I feel like it took me a good part of two years before I felt 'good' again. Two years before my heart and my mind could both understand at the same time that God is still God -- although my life changed He didn't change. He loves me and is working things out for His glory.

From those stories of those amazing women, I have been changed. Since arriving home I have been soaking up the Scriptures like I haven't ever read them before. I am so motivated to use my life for God's glory and to continue to find a way to use Nicoda's life for His glory as well.

(written last week and somehow forgot to post it!)

HaIrCuT!!!

2011-03-27T07:01:00.000-05:00

I finally got a hair cut that wasn't just a trim....pretty sure it had been about 2 or 3 years since my last non-trim haircut. It was SOOO nice. I used a Groupon coupon, so it only cost 19 for the wash, cut, and style -- plus a head massage! De-light-ful! :-)

American Treats

2011-03-27T06:58:00.000-05:00

Yum-Yum! This past month Khalid and I ate at both Subway and Pizza Hut! The Subway is downtown (a little too close for my budget -- hee hee) and I got the sub of the day which is also my favorite, the Roasted Chicken Breast. Khalid tried a Turkey Bacon Melt....and I am sad to announce that he isn't really a fan of Subway. He tried mine too and just wasn't impressed. :( But he is a HUGE fan of Doritos (which we can't buy here), so he said he is willing to go with me to eat the Doritos while I eat my sandwich. Thanks Hubs! (no Subway pictures -- but I did get a napkin for Bob!)

Pizza Hut on the other hand was a huge hit for both of us! Khalid defintely agrees with my niece, Brianna, that Pizza Hut pizza is way better than Austrian pizza. :-) We got a super deal too -- two drinks, an appetizer, a medium pizza, and a dessert pizza for 10 Euros....I had to look like 3x before I believed it. We choose a stuffed crust, pepperoni (also not common here) and I devoured mine. Ha! And lucky Khalid got all of the dessert pizza since I am sugar fasting for Lent. The downside to Pizza Hut is that it isn't in Vienna...actually it isn't even in Austria. We had to go to Bratislava, Slovakia (about 45 minutes drive) to get it. Worth it in my book for the occasional treat. :-) (pictures below)

Update

2011-02-15T08:47:00.000-06:00

I realized I hadn't blogged anything in over a month and was feeling a little guilty since I read some peoples daily posts. :-) Things are good here in the Hamidi home. I had surgery (to prepare for baby Hamidi's) and am recovering very well. I know it was going to be a painful surgery, but I can truthfully say it was even worse than I thought. But on the up side, I am feeling better sooner than I thought, so all is well. I have a check up this week and again in one month. Then we just have to wait until May or June (up to us) to start trying again. Husband did a job training recently and now has his forklift drivers license. He is pretty happy about that and is job hunting everyday. I had a wonderful birthday and got several wonderful packages with goodies inside....wish I had some self-control not to eat most of the Reesee's in one sitting, but that's life, right? :-) We also had a good Valentine's Day -- we celebrated the day before with flowers, a walk in the park (1st time out for me in two weeks! yea!) and made homemade cards for each other. The pictures are of us at the park. Blessings!

Thinking of You with Love

2011-01-06T07:59:00.000-06:00

We thought of you with love today,

but that is nothing new.

We thought about you yesterday,

and days before that too.

We think of you in silence,

we often speak your name.

All we have are memories,

and your picture in a frame.

Your memory is our keepsake,

with which we will never part.

God has you in His keeping,

we have you in our hearts.

A million times we`ve wanted you.

A million times we cried.

If love could only have saved you,

you never would have died.

It broke our hearts to lose you.

But you didn`t go alone.

For a part of us went with you...

the day God called you Home.

~Author Unknown

Nicoda's Second Birthday

2011-01-06T07:57:00.000-06:00

Two years have gone by now since I got see and hold my precious baby. Two years of longings, wishes, and so many tears... I wish I could say that I am okay now but so many days I'm not. There are still days when I wake up and go to sleep so angry that I don't have my little boy to hold, to rock, to teach his ABC's. Somedays I see my friends and their kids and the joy they have watching them grow and it hurts to know I don't have that chance. I look at Mr. Nicoda's pictures all around the house and I love seeing his face, but I get so upset knowing that there will never be any 'new' pictures -- that I only have memories. So I wish today was different -- I wish that we were throwing a birthday party instead of just releasing balloons -- I wish I could hear Nicoda's sweet voice talking and see him take his toddling around-- I wish, I wish, I wish....

But through it all I still know that I am blessed....I have pictures of my little boy, I got to feel him kick inside me, I got to touch his soft little cheeks and kiss his little toys, I have an overwhelming love for God for taking care of our little boy. So although my grief has changed me, I am blessed to have had Nicoda for the 7 months I did.

Mr. Nicoda, you are so loved and so missed!
Can't wait to see you and hold you someday. Until then, Mommy

Christmas 2010

2010-12-27T10:11:00.000-06:00

Khalid and I have had a GREAT Christmas! Our second Christmas together and it is hard to believe that it has already been a year since I moved here -- it seemed like decades that we were apart and now the time is flying by.

On Christmas Eve we hang up our 2010 ornament that we brought and watched the Navitity Story (which as a side note, is a wonderful movie). Christmas Day we opened our stockings from Santa to find a watch for Khalid and a new hat/scarf set for me. Yea! :-) Then we are watched Christmas movies cuddled up on the couch til our Christmas dinner of ribs and apple pie....then back to the movies and talked to the family in the States.

What could it be? A watch and candy -- Yea!

Thanks Santa!

Ornament from Lori Miller

Our 2009 ornament

Ornament made by me

Our S'Mores Texas ornament

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! BLESSINGS!

Videos From Trip :)

2010-12-23T14:36:00.003-06:00

Lynda was so excited to go and dance with Chuck E Cheese....Chuck E Cheese threw free tickets everywhere after he finished dancing and Lynda didn't even care -- just kept dancing. :-)

Not sure where Zack saw beatboxing, but he thought it would be funny to make a video of himself beatboxing and dancing. :-) ha

Morning at the Zoo

2010-12-23T14:24:00.004-06:00

We went to zoo to go and see the new polar bear exhibt and so I could meet Zack's friend - 'Spaz' the monkey. I was reading the signs about the polar bears, while Zack and Melissa went into the polar bear building. Zack flew back out and very excitedly asked me if I knew who was inside, before I could answer he squeaked out "SANTA!" and flew back inside. Then he had to dance around a little bit while he remembered what he wanted to ask for and my sister got to fret a little bit because he normally sees a more real looking Santa.....it was great fun! After talking to Santa for awhile and getting his picture taken, we did make it to the monkey exhibt as well. :)

Timothy and Family

2010-12-23T14:09:00.004-06:00

My brother, Timothy, moved when I was gone and now he lives on the KS side of Kansas City. I got to go with him and Laura to dinner and to take Lynda's picture at Target -- they turned out super cute (but I forgot my copies in America - ugh!). :-) My niece's vocabulary has just totally blown up -- it was so great to understand her when I played with her. When I saw her at Chuck E Cheese's, she looked up at me and said "Come on, let's play" Cute! She also loves to dance -- when Chuck E Cheese started to dance, she went right up and danced with him. She also got to dance with my mom and Don when we were over visiting. She is one of the happiest kids I know! And my brother -- always trying to tell a joke -- wrote to the "Austrian family" from the "American family" on Khalid and I's Christmas present.

Melissa and Fam

2010-12-23T13:29:00.004-06:00

Me and Missy

Zack with his new pug puppy, Ruby

Brianna and me (she hates photos)

Monopoly with Zack

(he is really good with money! impressed me!)

I got to stay with sister most of my visit and this allowed me lots of time to chat with Missy, have lunch with Bre, and play games with Zack. Sadly Ashley has already moved out of the house, so I didn't get to spend as much time with her. I also got to go and visit with pug puppies when they were trying to pick a puppy for Zack. :-) I really enjoyed spending time with my sister -- when she isn't working (she has to work alot between juggling kids, Zack's school, and actual work). We went to the zoo one morning and had Don Chilto's for lunch (my favorite Mexican resturants and Zack's favorite for french fries) Zack has been going to a speical school that he is thriving in and he is one of the funniest and most honest kids you'll very meet. One day Bre was attending a funeral for a local solider and I got to drive her back and forth and have lunch at Culvers with her. And I got to go to my niece Ashley's apartment -- it was odd to see her living out on her own, working and going to school. Bre, Zack, and I played Mario Bros. on Wii quite a bit and Zack even brought me penquin pj pants for Christmas 'so I could remember Mario' (his words) when I went back home. Zack and I played several board games as well -- but failed at Guess Who? because he kept trying to cheat...which always works on my dad, but didn't with me. :-) And one of my favorite parts of visiting that cute boy is how each night I would have to bribe him to get a hug -- another thing he learned from my dad. But I learned that a great 'deal' would be to tell him either a hug or a kiss....and being a true little boy the hug won hands down. HA!

Mother Dear

2010-12-23T13:07:00.004-06:00

Dancing with Lynda

Mom and Don

Nana and Philip

My mom and her boyfriend, Don, flew in from NC (mom) and KY (Don) for the last week that I was in the States. It was a whirlwind time like it always is when my mom visits. :-) There is just always sooo much to do and pack into the short time there is. We got in ALOT of shopping, pedicures, Mexican food, Phil time, and a Christmas night at Chuck E Cheese's (everyone's dream Christmas, right?) We even took Zack along for one afternoon of shopping -- well for him it was a very long session of 'sneak up and scare Nana' over and over. Ha! I love my mom! My mom is a gift giver by nature (hence all the shopping) and she really loved me this year because you should see the awesome purses she got me and my sister. They are 'Miche bags' -- and you just have to change the outershell of the purse to get a different look and never have to change all of your stuff from one to another. Both of my shells are very 'chic'! Always wish there was more time though.....

Laura, Mom, and Don
Missy, Nana, Ashley (I'll spare Ash from putting her nickname)

'Mother Dear' and 'Daughter'

Merry Christmas Mom! :0)

Heidi of Mine

2010-12-23T12:51:00.003-06:00

"Friends always show their love. What are friends for, if not to share troubles?" Proverbs 17:17

God brought Heidi into my life exactly at the time that I was going to need her first. She and her husband opened their home to me and held me(literally and figuratively) for the worst year of my life - when Nicoda died. Heidi bore more than her share of my sorrows and I will forget how she helped to survive with her kinds words, shared tears, bushels of prayers, and gentle suggestions. This year she was going through a stress that was from work, but affected her personally -- so basically the worst kind. I cannont say how glad I was to be there for her -- to let her cry on my shoulder and prayer with her. I owe her so much and know that I will never be able to repay it.

It was also odd to not stay there at her house when I was visiting. I did stay there for 4 nights, but in my head when I would be driving I would have to remind my auto-pilot to not get off on her exit each time. :-) Heidi and I fit in time for a nice lunch, quick meet-up for key exchange, a dinner and chat night, and a Christmas outing/party.

I love my Heidi!

Cutest Little Mia You've Ever Seen!

2010-12-23T11:20:00.004-06:00

I love my fingers...they are so tasty!

Mia - "I love my auntie -- but is that the TV I hear...."

the 3 hotties! :-)

The Clifton Family

Goodnight Precious!

She's cute and she knows it!

One of my life-long friends, Tina Clifton, had a baby this summer....Mia Sophia Clifton. And let me tell you she is so cute! She had just turned 4 months and weighed close to the same Kaleah and Phil (2 mo.), so she is small and adorable! She loves to smile everything and is hypotized by the TV already. I got to be there for her first cereal feeding, give her bath, and even rock her sleep. I won't lie -- a few tears slipped out because I was so touched at how much Tina wanted to share her with me. Tina and I also got out and did some stuff as well. We had Jose Pepper's one night for a girl's night out! We went to our youth group reunion and caught up with lots of friends there. I went to church with Tina, Chris, and Mia -- and we even squeezed in Chiptole and some scrapbook shopping. I am so blessed to know Tina and LOVED getting to see her be a mom. She has such a different style of parenting than I would and it is so cool to see how it works so good for her. Mia has just fit into her life so naturally and I get choked up thinking how much I am going to miss being so far away. So blessed to have gotten to meet her and for all the photos Tina supplies me with. :-) Love you Tina V...now Tina C. (but that just doesn't roll off the tonuge as well. )

Philip Michael Barton -- a.k.a. adorable nephew!

2010-12-23T10:55:00.003-06:00

Yea! for meeting my new nephew Phil! He is so cute and I think a great mix of his mom and dad. :-) He has a mobile over his playpen that plays a moving pictures along with animals and he can spend up to an hour just following "his people" around with his eyes. Personally I was impressed with his eye contact at his age -- probably going to be a genuis. My brother is clearly in love with him and that is fun to watch as well. Nicole (sis in law) cooked some really good food and we got to spend a lot of time chatting and looking at pictures. It was cool to see Phil turn his head around whenever his mom or dad would start talking. :-)

Mr. Phil's Crib with his surfing theme
Me and the little guy

Phil and Mommy!

Watching his 'people'

Nana and Phil
Daddy posing with Philip
Time for one of his many naps in the day. :-)
Philip with his Favorite Aunt Stac
ADORABLE!

My Wonderful Sikes!

2010-12-23T10:46:00.006-06:00

I was soo sooo soooo blessed to be able to spend several afternoons with Jacqueline, Chloe, and Kaleah -- sometimes even Edna, Jordan, and Sharlene (via Skype). :-) Kaleah loves to be held which was just fine with me and I was BLOWN AWAY with how much Chloe talks. She would say my name and I would melt! She would also say 'nack' for snack and 'chriffin lites' and 'ya' for yes ALOT. Both of those girls own a piece of my heart! I love seeing Jac be a mom and how easy and natural it seems on her -- I was honored to be able to read with Chloe -- I was touched by how much Chloe loves her Bible and singing songs. Such an amazing, godly family! Blessed to have Jacqueline for a best friend!!!

who couldn't love this cheesy peanut buttery grin?

she was smiling back -even if you can't tell. :-)

Mommy with her well-fed little Kaleah. :-)
1-2-3-WEEEE!

Just chillin'

Kaleah : "Oooh! Keep bouncing me like that, Auntie Stac"
Stac: "No problem kid!'

Best Friends! :-)

The girls picture -- the little ones are TOTALLY into it. ha!

Just too adorable not to photograph!

Pictures of Visit #1 (more to come)

2010-11-30T10:25:00.003-06:00

my niece Linda -- she loves wearing my necklaces
my newest nephew, Philip Michael! :-) He loves his ceiling fan!

my beautiful god-niece Kaleah -- she likes to eat and sleep ALOT!

the ever-so-cute Chloe! (she talks soo much you wouldn't believe she is only 18 mo...

and not that I like to brag, but she says my name so adorably.)

Zack with the chocolate I got him with his name on it. :-)

We play lots of games together and love to 'pretend' fight.

(I have seen so many more people and have so many more pictures, but this is it for today because the photos take so long to upload.)

I can't believe my trip is already half over! Although I sorta can in how much I miss Khalid...I got a Cricket phone though for these few weeks, so we do get to talk alot. And we are professionals at phone talking from our first year of marriage. Ha! But I have gotten to see everyone that I needed too (except for my parents which will happen this week) and some even more than once. :-)

Two More Angels, Brenden and Malika

2010-10-27T16:29:00.001-05:00

These last couple of months have been very hard here at the Hamidi house because we have reached the full gamet of emotions -- happiness, worry, laughter, and sorrow. We found out that we were expecting in early September and Khalid was over the moon. I was torn up because I wanted so bad to be happy, but all I kept thinking about for weeks was Nicoda and worrying that this pregnancy wouldn't last. Sadly my worries came to be a reality when we miscarried our beautiful angels, Brenden and Malika Hamidi on October 16th, 2010. Their names mean 'Prince' and 'Princess' because that is what they will always be to us, Khalid and me. (the doctors have found out why our babies can't stay in...and I will have to have surgery in the next couple of months to help protect our future babies. ugh.) The first few days are blurry with emotions and phyiscal pain, but the past few days have been better. I grieve for our now 3 angels in heaven, but I am so glad that they have finally found out the WHY!?! I cry alot over silly things and have to remind myself that I am just missing our babies. Mostly I am just taking this time to snuggle with Khalid every chance I get because I am reminded all over again of how short life can be.

"Just Those Few Weeks"

For those few weeks,
we had you all to ourselves.
And that seems too short of time
To be changed so profoundly.

In those few weeks-
I came to know you...
And to love you both.
You came to trust me with your lifes.
and, oh what lives I had planned for you!

Just those few weeks-
When I lost you,
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams, and aspirations...
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
It wasn't enough time to convince others
How special and important you both are.
How odd, truly unique people have recently died
And no one knows to mourn the passing.

Just a mere few weeks-
You were just those few weeks my little ones
You darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
To make my life so much richer-
And give me another glimpse of eternity.
Enjoy Nicoda until Daddy and I come...

Leaf Finding Adventure

2010-10-26T12:40:00.003-05:00

It has been cold here in Vienna, since probably mid-September. Like 30's and 40's cold....not the ideal October, but we ventured out to enjoy the leaves changing colors and to collect some leaves to decorate the house with. (khalid is skeptical if the leaves are going to look nice INSIDE the house - ha!) But here are some pictures of our fun. :-) *Happy National Day Austria*

All I Can Say Is GRRRRR!!!

2010-10-26T12:32:00.003-05:00

Have you ever just disliked someone so much that you would do anything to distrupt their lives? I haven't ever...I may have mentally disliked them, but never enough to actually be mean. Sadly it seems that the American Consulate feels that way towards Khalid and I. We just can't catch a break with them! I was sooo sooo sooo excited for Khalid to come and meet my family and friends, see Nicoda's grave, eat real Mexican food -- but alas, I will be making the November trip alone. Thanks to God that we hadn't bought our tickets yet or my verbal explosion might have been felt all the over there in America (ha!) So sorry for those excited to meet my hubby....maybe next time (fingers crossed hoping!)!

* only 23 days now! that doesn't sound bad at all
* the double bad news about this is that now I only have 2 suitcases to bring back my American goodies. ugh! pack light, Stac, pack extra light.

Oct. 15th, Infant Loss Memorial Day

2010-10-15T08:14:00.003-05:00

October 15th is a day to remember all babies lost through miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death. At 7pm you light a candle *your time* and let it burn for an hour....then for the entire day around the globe there will be a candle burning for those little ones that we can't meet til heaven. Join me in lighting a candle for Mr. Nicoda....it is so hard to believe that he has been gone for over a year and half. The grief gets easier, but he is always on the top of Khalid and mine's mind. We will also be lighting candles for all the other angels we know who are with our little boy...Gracie, Levi, Opal, Faith, Thomas, and SOOO many more.
Blessings!

There's No Place Like Home

2010-10-14T06:25:00.002-05:00

Home: n. 1. the place where a person, family, of household lives 2. where somebody was born or raised or feels he or she belongs 3. the place where something is most common or has its origins 4. a place where one can find refuge and safety and security.

I am 34 days for getting on the plane to make my visit home and I am uber excited! I really like the def. of home because KC is the place where I feel I belong. Thankfully for my marriage I am able to overcome that feeling and live in Vienna for Khalid. Ha! :-) But it makes the time I get to spend with those I love so much sweeter. I was just telling my sister last night that I have started an Excel Spreadsheet to keep track of what I want to do, who I need to see, my shopping lists, etc. etc. Ha! And poor Khalid is a combination of nervousness and excitement. He is not only going to be immersed into the English language, but he will be surrounded by people that only I know the WHOLE time. It sounds like heaven to me to be around people 24/7 for a couple of weeks -- but I know it is making his head reel. Hee hee But he is anxious to go to Nicoda's grave and meet my family, so that should be enough to make him get on the plane. :-) We get to see two new houses -- my brother and Leah moved - and meet two new godnieces and a nephew! And I get to expose Khalid to my favorite foods/restaurants! And now he will able to put a face to all the names I talk about -- and I get to just be somewhere I am known and loved. Ahhh.....so ready for November to be here.

"A man is not where he lives, but where he loves." - Latin Proverb

"What great thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life -- to be with each other in silent memories" - George Eliot

Current Favorite Meal

2010-10-03T02:50:00.004-05:00

I love how others share their recipes online, so I am going to post Khalid and I's current favorites. We have burek (an eastern european dish) with almost KFC coleslaw. :-) The burek is so super easy to make and the coleslaw makes for great snacks for days after....

Burek:
1 lb. ground beef
1 TB allspice
1 TB paprika
salt and pepper to taste
1 potato shredded
1 onion chopped finely
1 package of pie crust
1/4 melted butter or oil (optional)

Brown the meat with the allspice and paprika. Roll out the pie crust on a cookie sheet/pan and leave the wax paper under it. Mix in the potato and onion with the cooked beef and pour the mixture onto the pie crust longways. Then using the wax paper to help form and move, roll up the crust into a tube (should look like a strudel). Dispose of the wax paper and put the meal into the oven at 350F for 20-30 minutes or until golden. Optional -- you may spread the butter onto of the rolled up meal before baking. Cut and Serve!

almost KFC Cole Slaw:
2 heads of cabbage
1/2 of an onion
2 medium carrots
2 cups of mayo/Miracle Whip
1/3 cup sugar
1/4 cup vinegar
1/4 cup vegatable oil

If you have a food processer, cut up the cabbage, onion, and carrot with this. If not cut the cabbage into long narrow slices, shredd the carrots, and chop the ontion. Then mix in the all the rest of the ingredients. Refrigerate or let stand for up to an hour before eating.

GUTEN APPETIT!

Birthdays, Birthdays Everywhere

2010-09-27T17:42:00.003-05:00

Happy Birthday to my wonderful mom, Cheryl Bradfield, and to a great friend, Jessica Skidmore! (the 28th)
Happy Birthday Pops! (the 29th)
Happy Birthday Tim - welcome to being 30! And Happy Birthday to one of my best friends, Jacqueline Sikes! (the 30th)

And Happy (hopefully soon) Birth-day to little Philip (my nephew) and M2 (my god-niece) who are due ANY day now! :-)

***i looked for over an hour for a photo of each and then blogger won't let me post pictures-- ugh!

Sayings and Such

2010-09-02T10:46:00.000-05:00

One of the best things about being married to an ESL person is the delight of them learning new words and phrases. :-) Khalid is constantly asking me what this word means and/or how it is different from another word -- like courage vs. bravery or probably vs. possibly. :-) We had a 1/2 hour lesson on the sound difference in invincible and invisible. But his English is so good and I am almost daily surprised with phrases that he says after he picks them up from TV or movies. The other day he told me that the chair is 'practically useless' (not words I say) and a few other new favorites are the words pathetic, honor, and blessing. And his new phrase that he says alot is "what the fish?" -- he made that one up all on his own.

I have also learned a few more words in Persian this month, but I am positively horrible at it. I just can't get the right sounds to form -- but I am learning the names of fruit. :-) Always start with food in a foreign language, that's my motto.

Blessings!

'Post' Blessing

2010-08-10T10:35:00.000-05:00

Yea! Yesterday I got mail (post in German) from one of my best friends, Heidi, and it just made my whole day. It had one of those musical cards that played 'What a Wonderful World' and two books! One a bible study we are going to do together and one a gift book called called Looking Up by Beth Moore! I just wanted to share my happiness with all. :-) Now I am just waiting on for post #2 to come from mi madre with some happiness juice (aka dr. pepper). HA!

'I pray that your hears will be flooded with light so that you can understand the wonderful future he has promised to those he called. I want you to realize that a rich and glorious inheritance he has given to his people.' - Eph 1:8

Life Updated

2010-07-31T07:15:00.000-05:00

Well really cool things have actually happened here with the Hamidi family in Vienna. :-) My two highlights since June are that we moved to a new apartment and my friend Natalie was able to come visit. Our 'new' old apartment building had a gas leak, so the gas was shut off and we had to scurry and get a 'new' new apartment. This was a blessing in disguise because I LOVE THIS PLACE! The neighbors aren't as friendly as the last place, but we upgraded from a studio apt to a one bedroom! Ahh -- SPACE! Since I brought soooo much stuff with me it is nice to have the extra room to actually unpack my boxes. :-) We still trying to get everything where it needs to be and when it is, I promise to take some pictures (seriously Janaye, i will).

AND my friend Natalie Hughes got to come to Vienna for a day as a detour. She came in the middle of July with her friend, Lisa Grace, and it was like a breath of fresh air. I don't get out enough here in Vienna, so it was so great to talk and gab and catch up while showing them both this beautiful city I live in. I think I turned out to be a pretty good tour guide too....I've read the guide books, so gave the details as I remembered them. :-) We ended up our visit having an excellent meal with Karen whom Natalie also knows here in Vienna (small world). Natalie thought it is so cool that I knew Barbara, but unless you've left America you don't realize how small the Christian circle is overseas and especially the Church of Christ one. So thank you Natalie and Lisa for blessing me with a day of friendship!

Khalid and I have also been struggling with a capital "S" because it is one of those hard times for Khalid. He isn’t really friends with his medicine and thus doesn't take it like he needs to and this puts huge strains on both of us when his moods are swinging around. The bonus of problems is that it makes my faith that much stronger. The drama has motivated to finally get back into daily Bible readings and I am loving the peace that God is filling me up with. Hopefully I am getting filled up enough to share some with Khalid. :-) And at church our pastor is doing a wonderful study on Ruth which I also love.

Also for good news my nephew turned 7 this month and told his mom after his party that it was the best birthday ever! Praise for him! :-) And one of my close friends, Tina, had her first baby on the 21st. So i have a new little god-niece named Mia Sofya Clifton! I am so excited for Tina and Chris and already can't wait to meet her when I come visit.

More later....

Newlyweddedness

2010-06-02T06:52:00.001-05:00

Not sure that is a word, but I have been thinking a lot lately about how much harder marriage is than I thought it would. Although Khalid and I have been married for TWO YEARS now (our anniversary was this month) I still feel as if we are newlyweds because we have only lived together for 6 months. Before we got married I remember all the numerous talks we had after I would read websites about what we should talk about before getting married. HA! Yeah -- those talks didn't really prepare us for how to deal with all those issues when you are mad and the other person is stuck in the same apartment with you because oh, yeah you're married now. :-)
I the websites dealt a lot with money, in-laws, sex, and chores. Well sadly for Khalid, I do not have in-laws so no trouble there. Sex has never been a problem for us. I am a stay at home wife, so chores aren't a problem (Khalid takes out the trash and does the heavy lifting). And I love cooking -- although Khalid makes great rice and french fries, so I leave those to him). But the three things we struggle the most with are money (he grew up rich, i didn't), cultural differences, and his bipolar.

Money, ugh! We just view money different -- how we spend it, how we save it, how we give it away. Growing up with a mom who would drive to 5 different stores to get the sales might have annoyed some -- like my sister -- but I grew to love it and see it as a challenge. I do not mind going to out of my way to save even $.50 if I have the time. When I was in America I loved cutting coupons and trying to search out sales + coupons for the ultimate deal. I once even spent almost a hour at a Wal-Green's checkout -- but I spent $19 and saved $50ish. Yet my wonderful husband is more of a one store shop kinda guy and he has no idea about saving. If we have $200 and need $130 for bills -- he's mind doesn't automatically say we only have $70 left. But we are working on it. :-) I write all the money down on an Excel spreadsheet, so he can see it all laid out and I can have the peace of mind that everything is getting paid. And he is learning about sales -- just the other day he came home with bananas because he saw they had a 1\2 price sticker on them. Bless him.

Multicultural differences. I thought when we were dating, we had a lot of these ironed out. But alas, our cultures rear their ugly heads and cause a lot of disagreements. Incase you don't know -- I am Mid-Western American Christian and Khalid grew up an Eastern Europe Muslim (all different types of cultures make him up). Maybe you think it is weird that I put our religions in there, but I feel that churches and religion greatly influence the culture we grow up in. Khalid has a bad habit of watching American movies and generalizing his ideas about Americans after that -- makes me so angry. I have a bad habit of yelling when I get angry which for him is unheard of -- he gets really angry. And we have both had to make a lot of compromises. It is hard for him to understand hugging at church -- he would prefer me to limit my contact with others to brief handshakes, but he just tightens his jaw and realizes that a hug is important to others. It is hard for me to understand why his friends refuse to talk to me, unless he acknowledges me first, but I just take a deep breath and remember that it is because they have respect for Khalid that they do this. Praise God! that we are able to realize our differences and respect those differences. I also praise God that we are now of the same religion. It helps both of us to remember that we need to molding our lives after Jesus -- not trying to win a battle of cultural wills. Our different cultures also allow both us to some extra joys too.... I want to stay at home and in his cultural this is a given....so WIN! He likes PDA -- and it isn't taboo in my culture...so WIN! (and by PDA i mean holding hands, arm around each other -- not the gross get a room stuff. HA!)

Bipolar -- this is probably our biggest struggle and if I am honest, will continue to be our biggest struggle throughout our marriage. Khalid destests taking his medicines at times which isn't an option, so problem number one. problem number 2 is that I have a hard time discerning what is him being bipolar and what is him being a punk. I think sometimes I excuse too much of his behavior because of his diagnosis and sometimes I nitpick things that are out of his control. He is seeing a new doctor (which happened after I moved here)who is a godsend!, so things are looking more positive right now but it is all a cycle.

Lastly on a positive note -- I love my husband more than anyone and am continually amazed at how strong our love is. We have already weathered losing a child and being away from each other and I know we are both stronger because of it. The last 6 months have been wonderful for my anxiety and for me to continue healing from Nicoda's death. I love how much Khalid loves and misses Mr. Nicoda. I love having him near to cuddle whenever I want! I love that someone is always here to hold me when I cry now! I love that I have someone to cook for! And I know he loves having someone to cook for him. Ha!

Thank you to all the wonderful marriages out there -- thank you for your examples in commitment, your honesty about struggles, and your openness about the joys of your marriage. May God bless all our marriages!

New Apartment...New Everything

2010-05-27T10:19:00.000-05:00

Well -- it finally happened! We got our new place (actually moved two weeks ago -- but I am a slow blogger) and new furniture! I love having new things and watching Khalid put all of them together. I mean seriously who needs a power drill when you have muscles like him... :-) I help by reading the instructions and he scoffs at needing them, but always seems to be looking at me for the next step regardless. Ha! We got a red dishwasher which just makes me smile each time I go into the kitchen, not to mention it matches all of the kitchen stuff I already had. We also got a new big refridgator....it is fairly common in Austria for most apts to have a dorm sized fridge, which might be alright, but a dorm sized freezer doesn't quite cut it for me. So as soon as it was delivered I went and stocked up on ice cream, pizza, and veggies! :-) So ober nice to feel settled and to actually unpack my boxes that have been sitting around. God has truly blessed us with this place and with our new belongings. And the best blessing for me is that we have awesome neighbors. They invited us over the first night we came and I have hung out with the lady neighbor twice already. We made plans to go shopping each Thursday to the market down the street as well. It is nice to have someone to say hi to each day besides Khalid now. :) They have a 4 month old little boy and are expecting another, so Khalid and I both enjoy getting baby snugglies in as well. Masi (sp?) looks grumpy in this photo, but he is actually a really happy baby. I'll work on a better photo.

In addition to all the other new things -- I got a new haircut (donated it to Locks of Love) and new glasses (black and purple). My hair seems to have doubled in curls since I cut it, but at least it makes it more less maintence because I am not so generous in time when it comes to my hair. :-)

Well that is my update for now....more later! Blessings!

mother's day blues

2010-05-06T05:45:00.000-05:00

mother's day -- a day to make the mothers in your life feel special. And my mom is special -- she has been 100% there for me and is such a support and encouragment in my life! I love you, Mom!
but the actually day is so bittersweet for me. i ache to be a mother of a living child that can draw me a picture or be a reminder to others that i am a mother as well. i keep wondering what he would look like now at 16 months. He'd be walking, saying so many words, drawing little pictures, and smiling all the time. i miss him so much. so this sunday I am going to wake up, go to church, and buy myself some flowers -- or let khalid buy them. so that I can remember that i am a mommy to a precious little boy.

Nicoda:
Your life was a blessing,
your memory a treasure.
You are loved beyond words
and missed beyond measure.

People Fascinate Me

2010-04-19T10:03:00.000-05:00

Lately I have been struck by how much of a people watcher I am.....I could sit at the U-Bahn for hours just to watch people if my other half didn't object (and he does.). I don't always love what I see, but it just constantly reminds of how different we all are. From the women dressed up in the jeans and high heels to the woman with several colors of the rainbow in her hair. I love watching moms with their kids -- unless they are bad moms which I see as well. And of course the older couples that are just seem so content to move slowly and hold hands as they go. The high-school age kids that always seem to forget what an inside voice means and the old women who sit and glare at them. There are just so many people who make of this world and I blessed to be able to observe them (even if it drives my hubby mad.) :-)

My favorite people watching story happened when I was in high school and visiting my grandma. We had gone to the mall and after a couple of hours of shopping just sat on a bench to rest. My grandmother is also a watcher and we sat for over an hour criticing everyones clothes as they walked past.....to our embarrassment an older man who was sitting behind us got up and walked in front of us and asked us to please let him know what was wrong with his outfit that day. Ha! Caught in the act!

Everything-sick

2010-04-11T11:30:00.000-05:00

I'm just homesick, familysick, friendsick, favorite foods sick -- just everything sick today. :-( Guess we all have those days when we miss the ones closest to us! But really feeling it today....I love you all!

Spring Is Here!

2010-04-09T11:35:00.000-05:00

I love the spring weather this year! Last year I didn't notice anything going on, so it makes this spring even more special. I go on a walk everyday and sometimes am able to convince Khalid to come too. :-) I also love spring because one of my wisest friends, Heidi, told me in my dark winter season of mourning that God cycles our lives like the seasons. She reminded me that the winter would not stay and that my spring and joy would return. I love you Heidi and am so blessed to have you remind me of things -- and am so glad that it truly is spring outside and in my heart!

We are still apartment hunting which is very frustrating -- we are searching so hard and have found so many! only for them to be given to someone else before we turn in our papers. Ugh! But God knows the apartment we are supposed to have....we are just ready for Him to tell us. :-)

We had a good Valentine's Day day with a home-cooked meal and flowers. (It was a salsa chicken recipe and made the chicken so tender and flavorful!) We spent Easter walking around Vienna and going to Schonbrunn's Easter Market. That is where you see the picture of us with the giant egg. The people taking our photo was so funny -- dancing behind the camera, acting like monkeys. It made for a nice smiling photo and we had some good Austrian treats.

Autobahn Adventures

2010-02-18T13:18:00.000-06:00

I promised to blog about my trip back from Holland and thank you Leah for reminding me. :) After we finally got to Holland and found the place who was holding Peanut hostage til we paid her taxes, we gassed up and hit the "Interstate". I think it is only called the Autobahn in Germany, so we didn't that til an hour into the trip.

First I would like you to imagine driving in Chicago -- one of the worst cities to drive in America because they have a problem labeling their exits and roads. Then imagine an entire continent of this. Khalid and I would get on the road that we needed and then suddenly the highway number would change. We would get freaked out and turn around only to find out it changes for about 30 miles and then "merges" back to the original number. Map quest also -- bless its heart -- gave us exit numbers, yet they had no posted exit numbers. This was all doing the day time.... The true drama came at night when we were still on the Autobahn and going 100 MPH (like the cars around us) with our one little working headlight. Not that bad, unless you also factor in that Germany does not feel the need to light their interstate. So people are FLYING by you and you are straining to see in front of you....while being slightly blinded by oncoming traffic on the other side. Then to make my "white-knuckle" driving worse, we hit road construction. Now we are only going 80 MPH between cement blocks the width of a dog house. It was so cool to go that fast and not worry about flashing lights behind you -- but it was not cool that I sat so tense for 12 hours that I bruised my tailbone. Ugh!

And I wish that I could say Austria was better. The other day I went to visit my friend across town and I wrote out the instructions. And they would have worked if I had known that Interstate 22 really mean get on Interstate 2; and that take exit toward Donaukanal and B226 means Nordbucke. I mean really how did I mess that up. :-) Guess it is all part of the learning curve! Today we were driving to an appointment and it was nice, we got there in about 5 minutes and parked. But thanks to 1001 one way streets it definitely took us 45 minutes to find our way home. I won't lie -- I had an "I hate being here" melt down after that trip home.

But I am so thankful that Peanut is here and that she brought my things with her. And I am so grateful that we can now go to the cheaper grocery store to stock up. My little Peanut -- a blessing in disguise.

P.S. In Europe (minus England) we do drive on the "right" side of the road. :-)

anxiety - dictionary definition

2010-02-01T10:35:00.000-06:00

anxiety - NOUN: pl. anx·i·e·ties
1 A state of uneasiness and apprehension, as about future uncertainties.
2 Psychiatry A state of apprehension, uncertainty, and fear resulting from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation, often impairing physical and psychological functioning.
3 Eager, often agitated desire: my anxiety to make a good impression."

Ever since college I have struggled with sporadic anxiety attacks. Yet since Nicoda died the anxiety attacks haven't been sporadic anymore.....it got to a point where I didn't want to leave my room or house because of how upset I got whenever I was around people or felt closed in (like at a store). But once I realized how bad it was getting, I went and got some counseling and began taking some anxiety medication. It really helped, until last week. For some reason I've been having more anxiety attacks than normal and this past week has been the worst. Not sure why, not sure of the triggers, just know that I hate it. For me an anxiety attack feels like someone just took out all of the air in the room, so I struggle to breathe and I can hear my heart racing inside my ears. My hands will start to sweat and I get dizzy. It is pretty debilitating. Thankfully Khalid helps me with this (goes to the store with me and holds me), but I would like and love prayers for peace that passes understanding to come into my heart and mind. I want to start my life again and to do that I need to be comfortable leaving my house and talking to people again.

Blessings

27th Birthday

2010-01-24T09:53:00.000-06:00

I'm now 27! I had a pretty good birthday -- I am a dreamer and a planner, so I had been preparing for my first day of being 27 for a couple of weeks. Khalid and I had a big breakfast and then went to go get my birthday present which was a birthday calendar. I really like them because I am terrible with other peoples dates....I picked a pretty with different flowers for each month. Then we went grocery shopping for special treats. We got ice cream, flowers, chocolate, cheese and crackers, a cake. It was a grand day! Thanks hubby for making it so special!

Things I'm Missing

2010-01-23T05:38:00.000-06:00

I'm here with my hubby -- my prayer that I prayed for a year and half was answered almost 2 months ago when I came to Vienna. And although I love Khalid SOOO much and I love being with him....I do miss people and things from America.

I miss my family only being a short drive away and seeing my nieces and nephew!

I miss seeing little Miss Chloe Mae get bigger and bigger

I miss talking and seeing my incredible friends (Leah, Jacqueline, and Heidi)

I miss chips and salsa, Taco Bell, and my QT Dr. Pepper runs

And I miss scrapbooking with my friend Tina

Naturally I am sure there is more, but those are the top in my head right now. Praise God that I have such wonderful people in my life to miss! And praise that God answered my prayer!

One More Day

2010-01-17T08:26:00.000-06:00

"One More Day"
Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you
One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you
First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I'd unplug the telephone
And keep the TV off
I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love you's
That's what I'd do, with one more day with you
Leave me wishing still, for one more day
Leave me wishing still, for one more day
By: Diamond Rio"

www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXdo-Ifwsik&feature=related

Life A Year Later

2010-01-17T07:59:00.000-06:00

This morning I woke up and thought, "January 17th." I remembered how lost and empty and sick I felt last year on this same date. I remembered how I was so alone and even felt apart and angry with God. But now it is January 17th, 2010 and I am not alone anymore. I woke up this morning next to the man I am spending my life with and with the knowledge and blessing that God is always with me. Yet I still feel some of that same pain, the same longing for Nicoda. It has been over a year now since he was born into heaven and his tiny footprints have left their mark on my heart and my life. And praise God, they have left their mark on others lives too.

Mr. Nicoda, I love you more now than I did one year ago. I love you with every beat of my heart and I am so blessed to be your mommy. Your short life and more importantly your death have made such an impact on me and others. You continue to touch my life and change me....I love you, I love you, I love you. -- Mommy

Nicoda's First Birthday

2010-01-06T13:43:00.000-06:00

A year has gone by since our little boy met Jesus -- and although we rejoice he is in heaven, we ache to hold him just one more time. We had so many dreams and plans for his life.... Nicoda Shaw Hamidi is not just an angel baby, he is our first born and will always be in our hearts. To honor his memory we went and lit candles for him. Then prayed to God to give him a couple of messages from us. In addition we found a young boy from World Vision with Nicoda's birthday and will "adopt" him and support him like we wish we could Nicoda.